Anybody know who I am imitating? If you do, you will receive ten houseplants.
I normally do not like posts that are sayings of this and that and the other. It is a quirk of mine. Not that they are bad, but they annoy me.
This morning, a friend of the people who read our page, Susan Parker, IM’s me because her car cell phone wasn’t allowing her to take me. She sent one of those things that I don’t like … and I loved it. I almost jumped out of my chair because I have never seen so true-of words smack me right in the kisser.
The message was … “Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 of craft supplies.”
The only thing that failed to mention was the time it takes to make something, too.
Susan’s post came at the perfect time for me as yesterday, while the rains poured from Hurricane Hermine, I went to Michaels and the Hobby Lobby.
I went for one thing. Embroidery hoops.
And then, the spell hit me in Hobby Lobby and I got that grandiose, demented, asshat thinking called, “Oh, I can make this. I can make that. And wouldn’t that be fun?
Oh, here is an interlude.
I was in an aisle looking at ribbon, (yes, I had to have some red polka dot ribbon for my delusions.
Anyhow heard two men walk down the main aisle, making some comments about Hillary Clinton. I laughed.
Next thing you know, the two men, one about my age and one, maybe a bit younger … (they were probably both 36 and that they were similar to my age was another one of my delusions).
As they neared me, I said, I hear you are big Hillary supporters.
They looked at me and then laughed. And that started a fun little conversation.I gave my two cents about not being able to vote for either at this particular moment and that I might vote for my dog, Winston. We chit-chatted and laughed and then they were off.
That is the South. You can talk to everyone.
So I put two things of ribbon in my cart, some stitch-witch, stuff … two sizes, dowel rods, a clay pot, a jar you can write on, a big letter “D” for the front door, because if you live down South, there is a law that says you must have your initial on your front door … hung with burlap. I had a stylophone ball, a red sign that said EAT and lit up, a holder for a baseball, cardboard cake bottoms, etc.
I knew I was in trouble and having an attack of the vapors when I stood at the end cap of an aisle, staring at styrofoam heads. Yes. you heard me. And I stood there thinking, hum, I could paint a face on that and get a wig and hang some earrings on it and have myself a new friend.
I put it in my cart and took about two steps and realized, I better go to the bathroom. I had had too much tea.
As usual, you have to leave your cart outside the restroom door.
When I came back out from the ladies room, I looked at that cart and said to myself, “Whoever’s cart that is, is mental.”
And I scurried back to the other styrofoam heads and put mine on the shelf. Not my head, but the styrofoam head.
Conscience and a bit of good sense returned to me at the checkout counter as, after seeing that the EAT sign was $54, I didn’t need that. Same with the baseball holder and some other must-have, item.
I really hoped Nick would be in his office when I got home. I didn’t need anyone commenting on my Treasures of Delusion.
Emptying the bags, I knew that I had been possessed.
Let me tell you a secret. I hate making things anymore. I do it because I can, but that ship has sailed.
I would prefer to have, as Kramer had in Seinfeld, an intern, someone who could make what I want made.
Last night was the first time our new house looked like a fabric cyclone hit.
And it will be the last.
I am not even going to tell you about this sewing machine I bought with a gift certificate, that I opened up this week and started swearing at … boxed it and am going to sell.
So … maybe God sent me a message through Susan Parker. You know, angels come in many ways.
But since my wall is finished, I am making a vow … I promised not to go to Michael’s for Hobby Lobby until all of the Kudzu is gone from the South.
PS … These were easy, peasy and are all made out of the fabrics I designed.