Hum, hum, hum.
For the last year and a half, we have been on a whirlwind of making decisions, coming, going, packing, pitching and loving in 3 states.
We’ve lived in an apartment and hopped over the border to have a house built.
Our minds were full of new this and that. To the future! Adventure! Going on eight cylinders.
There is a sense of excitement and a steady bit of adrenaline pumping through you when you do such things. I loved it. It kept me hopping and I was focused. Our life was my project.
We have been in the house since April 13. A good four months of living in the new house that we totally enjoy.
I also knew “this” would happen.
What is “this?”
“This” is that thing I get … a time and feeling of what next?
It isn’t a poor me type thing. I very rarely do that. But I do go through times when I am really focused and know what the vision is and then, once that project is completed, I wonder what my next act will be.
Life is my theatre. There are times when the role and the play and the act and the scene go swimmingly well, even with the ups and downs within that context of getting things done. I push obstacles out of the way and learn how to wind my way around things, through things and over things. I also no when to say, screw this, and beat a different path. That is one of the wonderful parts of life experience.
Some theaters go from one play to another. Some plays are hits and others are misses. Some theaters have down time between plays. And other theaters close. Permanently.
This summer, I’d say about the beginning of July, I could feel the shift. Things were in place. I’d gone out and about and purchased some bits and bobs for the house. Not a lot, but enough.
It was fun meeting new people and we were all excited.
Then the blasted heat set in.
Many of us retreated indoors, except for a bit of evening time outside.
I could detect a change in many things, including my readers of my blog. Summer doldrums. You know this aging business doesn’t seem to let up? It would be one thing if it came, like the flu, did its little monkey business on us and then left. But that isn’t how it works.
It is funny. I hear the thirty-something and forty-somethings talk about how tired they are. I want to tell them that they are too young for such talk. Just you wait.
But life is tiring for many. Even a good, joyful, fulfilled life can be tiring.
It isn’t just physical fatigue, but it is mental, too.
What is it about life today that is wearing people out?
It can’t just be the work. People have always worked hard. Early on, raising, food, tending family, figuring out how to survive … those were very exhausting.
We aren’t schlepping our belongings on a wagon on an unchartered course through Indian country, or traversing the Atlantic in the Mayflower.
Most of us don’t raise our food or make our clothe or milk the cows, or have to harness the horses and attache them to the buggy to go anywhere.
Yet so many people are exhausted.
This thing called “life” can be a tricky sticky wicket. If I am not in “pursuit” of something, am I living?
I get a kick out of people whose mind never leaves the day they are living. There has to be something peaceful about that.
I can do that for about three days.
Then, I start thumping my foot and wondering what kind of trouble can I stir up. Seriously. It is so easy to think about things that are not important when you don’t have a focus.
You know what my big thought was yesterday?
I have several pair of tweezers. Only one works, and it isn’t all that great. But the others that don’t deserve the name “tweezer.”
I had a moment last evening when I wondered why I kept tweezers that don’t work.
Another big thought was should I have a piece of swiss cheese with my turkey or should I not? And then it was, should I roll up the turkey breast and eat it or put it on bread? Then, I picked up dog poop. For fun.
This cold I have? I didn’t get it from someone else. I got it from me. I think I was on such a rush for so long a time that I didn’t let myself get sick. But this summer? After we moved in, I have had one thing or another. My body and mind let down. They were tired and told me it was time to ease up.
So that is what I have been doing. But that isn’t my forte.
I am wondering what my new play will be, what role I will have and when the play will open? I thought I knew, but I don’t. Will I write? Paint? What will I learn? My purpose was sure for this past year and a half, but I am not so sure now.
I could get very existential here. What is life? What does it mean and what really matters? What is God’s purpose for me? And why do I even think like that? Yesirreebob, I could go on and on.
But I thought I would hares with you what is going on in my head. A lot of hooey.
I know the answers will come. And in the meantime, I think I will make a chocolate mousse.
From Clover …